That's my favourite Oscar Wilde quote. Seems like it's the answer to everything these days right?
Those of you whose relationship has ended for whatever reason, will know the feeling of a rug being pulled from under you even when you've been expecting it. Suddenly you are alone, you've shared your life with someone for a few years or many years, time you can never recover you think. Suddenly single. Suddenly single with a child. The reason I was most terrified is because I was scared of being alone, not really because I would be parenting alone, I was already doing a lot of that. I had shared so much with this other person that I didn't know how to be me anymore, the "me" I was before I was "me and him", him and I. I didn't know myself anymore and I had to start getting to know myself all over again.
Lots of people think, if I stay busy, if I forget about it, brush it under the carpet, it will eventually go away, I'll eventually heal, I'll go back to the way I was. There is no way you will ever be you again unless you heal. There is no way to heal unless you surrender to your emotions and feelings and let go of whatever negativity you are carrying from that relationship into your new beginning. Trust me, I know it's easier said than done. I threw myself into my work initially to keep myself occupied. I didn't take one sick day or day off during that time. There were a few weeks when I lived my life in work as if nothing had happened. People used to admiringly say "oh I had no idea, you're so strong". There is no bravado in that. I had to confront myself to be myself again, I had to heal through meditation, tears, counselling, journaling, reading, poetry, exercise. Writing for Mint Movement is healing in itself.
Freedom from self doubt, self-defamation, negativity, what others think, stigma, sadness, comes from letting go. Cry when the kids go to bed, open the flood gates, they will eventually close. Turn the music up loud when they're out with their other parent or at school and belt that ballad or dance around like you used to when you were fifteen in front of the mirror, who cares who's watching. Go on a hike. Walk on the beach. Write. You get the idea? It's ok to just let go. Being secure enough to be you comes from constantly surrendering those negative thoughts, negative vibes, letting your emotions out instead of keeping them in, be open. I only recently allowed myself to be seen, and I'm still learning.
Just today, after my son's response to a question was "because I just love myself", my sister and I were talking about how great it is that kids have no judgement of who they are, they just love themselves. Remember when you were four too and you thought you were the greatest? Until you are you, it will be hard not to fall into similar habits you fell into in old relationships. It will be difficult to say no, to stand up for yourself, you'll become thick skinned and you won't let people in, you might never truly love again. But what if I'm hurt again? I hear you. But what if you're not? What if you find the deepest, most meaningful love you've ever found? What if you if you're so happy with you that you don't want someone else, you love yourself and you're truly whole.
Let go. Don't lock up those emotions, set them free, your body knows how to heal itself if you let it. Then you can be yourself, and that is freedom. I want you do a little something for me. After you've read this, tell me three nice things about yourself. It's tough right? I'll start; I am funny, I am courageous, I am me.